This is my conflict of the hour. To make it clear, it is not a relationship related topic.
Honesty can be a cultural concept. Seriously. If you are in Japan, and you are being too honest about everything – of how awful the cloth of the person you talk to, or how uncool it is for him/her to do something; you’ll be in big trouble. That is the east of the East. West is different. You gotta tell what you want otherwise you won’t get it. My classic story of ‘trying to be polite’ and answering ‘no’ for a drink offer had taught me that I had to speak up if I want something, otherwise I would be thirsty, at least for that case.
So here’s my so-called conflict. I’ve been put in charge to do something which is very good. And I’m not being sarcastic here. But I’m kinda don’t wanna do it. Reason? Hm.. that’s where I have the conflict. How do I tell that I just don’t want to be involved because I’m lazy?
Should I be honest or not to be?
I have friends and I used to be honest. My high school friends, Muzaini, Anuar, Khairul, Mahadi etc used to come to my house all the time. And when I’m tired of having them around, I did tell them straight to their face to go home because I just wanna be alone. First, they are seriously good friends for still being friends with me. I would recommend them to anyone for date and friends because of that matter (except Khairul coz he got someone, oops, Dr Khairul. Anuar already has wife and a son). Second, that’s why I kinda find it irony for people saying that I’ve changed after coming back from UK coz I was basically like that even when I was back in Malaysia. Third, I found it amusing when people over-respect me coz honestly, I did those stuff. Call me average, I feel better.
Anyway, they are friends. It is easy to tell them an honest reason. They don’t have to tell me sugarcoating reason either. I asked my friend for a trip to Japan. He’s not into it, so he told me. He doesn’t have to give excuses of he wanna do saving, or he will be busy with study and stuff.
Friends are in different league. Being honest seems like a good idea.
What about not-so-close people. Now I have a choice of sugarcoating something which might eventually means a lie or just give some obnoxious reason but the truth. I did once (or perhaps many, but now I can think of one), and it kinda weird when someone suddenly ‘sentap’ because of it.
A very respectful person (and again, I’m not being sarcastic. He is) asked me of why didn’t I join doing this good thing. Well, over the time these are the reasons I’ve heard which is valid and sounds fine.
1. Not having time because of jam-packed class.
2. Not having transportation as the public transportation networking is bad (either you are in rural areas or in Durham)
3. Having other commitments which you can’t get out of it.
4. Doing final year project or research which requires undivided attention and bad timing. (Reminds me of my debate/bio friends – Kak Bibah who has to go to lab at midnight because her bacteria is calling her. She was doing microb)
5. Having illness which suppress your activity.
But no.. I didn’t pick one of those. Instead I told this respectful guy, ‘I was lazy…’. He was ‘sentap’. He deserved to respond that way for my honesty. I’m feeling good and bad at the same time. I feel bad for making him ‘sentap’. I feel good for not lying. I was…
1. having a lot of free time which is why I always there for debate training – my first year until the end, a short period of unfinished Masters in USM, and even when I was doing the tutoring.
2. not having transportation issue. I got motorcycle back then.
3. having a commitment and that is to go home during weekend (or once every 2 week). My debate friends know that. But well…
4. having a final year project but I am in no way being in the same shoes as Kak Bibah. I am doing my lab (Matlab) at midnight because I choose to.
5. Alhamdulillah, I had no sickness which avoid me living my life.
All of those explanation. Now I wonder.
What should I say for this non-wanted position I am given now?
Should I say ‘I’m busy with my work, because now I’m really starting my research extensively. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping and been a little bit depressed. I was just finished going through 1st year presentation and now working on a project for a conference’. I am not lying for that. But I should continue saying ‘oh yeah, by the way, I haven’t been missing any of the latest season of Amazing Race and The Apprentice. And so not Heroes. I even watch Paris Hilton’s My British Best Friend but I’m kinda ashamed to admit that.’
Or should I give a simple gonna-be-sentap statement of ‘I’m lazy and not in the mood of socializing’ and put an end of it.
To be honest, or not to be?