‘Nih aper nih?’, otak aku bermonolog. Malas aku nak melayan orang nak merajuk tak kena tempat ni. Kalau awek, buat camni selalu, boleh clash dah. Tapi dengan kawan…. Otak aku sedikit kasar sambil aku memasak megi goreng. Perut aku dah lapar giler waktu tu. Dah pulul 4 pun. Saja aku mencapai satu jurnal, memprint lagi satu jurnal sebelum makan.

Tatkala aku nak stop untuk pergi masak, kawan aku pun menyapa melalui YM. Status aku waktu tu ‘Busy ~ Study..’. Which I mean it.

Dia tanya la aku sana sini lebih kurang. Aku malas dah layan sebab perut lapar giler. Aku pun bagitau dengan baiknya yang aku lapar sangat. Aku nak pergi masak.

Pastu dia cakap, ‘waktu aku YM je, macam-macam ek?’

Wah, sentap.

Dipendekkan cerita ke akhir line of YM. Dia merajuk.

Kak Khalidah, kenapa saya perlu rasa bersalah dengan benda yang saya tak salah? Kenapa hati rasa geram bila memikirkan hal ini?

[speechless seketika]

Kengkadang aku tak faham dengan orang yang tak faham nih.

[Ayat-ayat menyembur orang tersebut bermula:]

Ko duduk Malaysia, aku tau ko pun ada problem. Tapi, walaupun aku duduk UK, dengar cam glamer, ko jangan ingat aku cam duduk senang-lenang. Aku kat sini kena masak sendiri. Ko kalo lapar bleh gi mamak ke, restoran berlungguk kat Malaysia. Aku kena capai bawang sendiri, masak sendiri, makan sorang-sorang. Lagi satu, waktu ko dah settle-settle hari ko, dah nak tido japgi, aku kat sini tengah duk peak-hour. Time nak study laa, nak makan laa. So, kalo ko takleh faham aku, aku tak tau nak cakap apa. Up to you then.

[Ayat-ayat menyembur orang tersebut tamat]
Nak post ke tak blog nih? Nak post ke tak?

Belasah post jer laa.

1.43 am in Durham (UK actually) and I have sort of feeling like I don’t wanna sleep. I had a fever after recording those video. After talked to my parents at 12.00am, it was getting better. I remembered my Standard 6 teacher, Cikgu Latifah Hussain used to call me ‘not getting enough of vitamin-K’. As K was referred to ‘kasih sayang’. Well, I did have a fever once a month back then in my UPSR year when I lived for 6 months with my late grandma (including aunt, cousins etc).

I’m gonna take my rest soon. Got a class tomorrow morning at 9.30.

My body feel much better already. I just wanna have a sweet dream…

Sorry to Ainor for stopping suddenly from the chat. I was dreadful and I needed some sleep.
Sorry to Zaim for not replying. I didn’t know where to start.
Sorry to Ili for not being able to talk to you. Pak Tam wish you all the best for your exam.

Anyone else I should say sorry about? Finish?

Here come the cursing part.

I hate ‘how are you?’

I just hate people asked me that. And I hate people who know me hating that doing that just for the sake of teasing me. Life is pretty much the same here. I said I was fine and some of you just love to drag around the issue until I admit my defeat. I was doing good and take my word for it. Even if I am doing bad, I might not wanna share with some of you coz it’s contradicting my ego. Got it? I’m all alone here, I’m fine; so stop tweaking me with the issue.

I hate people calling me with ‘…’

‘Am’ and ‘Am…’ has a huge difference! Greeting me with ‘Am’ or ‘Am!’ is like calling me in usual manner. Calling ‘Am…’ is like calling with slow-toned-bermanja kind of mood. I allow it to some, but not to some others. So if you feel like you  are not bermanja-ing with me, call me just ‘Am’ without the dots. Otherwise I just hate it.

I hate people provoking me of my relationship status

Young and old, talking stuff to me like ‘I saw you with the your girl the other day’ is annoying. The same with ‘uuh, sms-ing your girlfriend eh?’. If you wanna flirt, just go on straight forward. Rather than keep asking me of how I’m doing every now and then, making me feel guilty for being rude of not answering. It is easier to say ‘no’ to a relationship then saying ‘I’m fine, thank you’.

I hate people who curse my taste

I have a bad taste of music and tv show. I always know that. So what? I am still cooler than you coz I have a wider range – whether it is High School Musical, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears or the one you think cool like Nickelback, Boys Like Girls or some rock stuff. Don’t ever think that you are all good because you just like 1 lame genre.

I hate people who made me feel down of myself

I admit, I am no good. But you don’t have to make me feel like a fool for not being able to tell what is my direction of this and that. Of life or my PhD. I have it, but I may not be a good speaker in that term. Just because I used to be a university debater, it doesn’t mean that I can talk almost everything. I never ask you to bow down to the Master, so you don’t have to feel that way and show your superiority.

That’s about it. I said it all.

Showing my vulnerability is not so cool. But just so you know, I have my ups and down. I rather having people liking me for my high and low rather than sugar-coated version of me.

Thank you.