Yeah Awin, Holly Kennedy! Influenced by the character I supposed (Refer to Awin’s comment on Heart. Holly Kennedy ialah watak utama dalam novel P.S. I Love You, novel yang telah difilemkan)

Some friends start worrying of what I wrote in Heart. Aku baca balik. Hm.. kinda amazing. I was impressed with my own post (that’s lame!).

Those are the things that keep interchanging that redefined the state of mind

Ayat yang aku taip dalam Heart. Uh, camner aku bleh terfikir untuk keluar ayat agak berbunga cam nih? Aku pun tak tau. Kadang-kadang menulis ni ader pengaruh yang pelik. Kalau waktu tertekan, tension, tak berapa gembira, waktu tu la idea keluar menyimbah-nyimbah. Waktu tu sangat enjoy menulis. Macam tengah high pun ada bila menulis. Sebab lepas abis tulis dan baca balik, aku kengkadang terfikir - aku taip benda nih ke sebelum nih? Kalau mood tengah baik, pemilihan perkataan pun hampeh. Idea menyimbah? Ouch. I know that ’simbah’ is not the right word.

Writing is always my passion. Dulu kalau waktu sekolah rendah, aku kena isi cita-cita dalam buku laporan tahunan. Aku masih ingat lagi, dalam buku laporan, yang tak pernah miss ialah guru. Waktu Darjah 1, aku pernah tulis ‘polis’. Polis? Ahaks. Tak sangka aku pernah ada motivasi sedemikian rupa.

Tapi orang pernah tanya waktu kecik dalam Darjah 4, nak jadi apa? Aku pernah cakap, nak jadi penulis. Sebab aku minat giler kat buku Enid Blyton. Darjah 4, aku pernah menulis satu cerita. Macam cerita penyiasatan sebab terpengaruh dengan 5 Sekawan, 7 Penyiasat etc. Tebal gak la. Tapi sayangnya hilang.

Lepas tuh aku dah mula hilang minat untuk menulis. Sekarang nih, nak tulis satu cerpen pun susah. Disebabkan gaya penulisan aku dah tak proper, penuh campur aduk bahasa pasar dan rojak. Hmm..

But let me dare myself to write some short story. Dan aku buka pada sesapa yang terasa nak melihat camner aku tulis cerpen, bagi satu situasi atau tema atau persoalan. Aku cuba tulis based on that. In proper writing. I dunno whether I can still write, but let’s see..

[So leave the comment down here and I try to write based on ur thoughts of theme, issues etc]

As I walk towards the sunset

Leaving all the memories behind me

Turning everything to something I call experience

And facing every single new days

Living the dreams I long had

Wishing it will come true someday

Hoping it will be easy each days

And wonder how many surprises are waiting

To shock me with twist and turns

And pull me down from where I am

Dragging around to the bottom of the lowest

Slowly eating me up.

Life is kinda overrated

Expectations sometimes kill me

Perceptions deceive everybody.

I have sail again to this land

Learning of life and love

Running on the horizon that will never end

Trying to reach the stars

I may fall each time I try

But I always know there are people who will catch me.

It is a mix up between want it and avoid it

Acceptance and rejection

Being silent or loud.

It is just me.

My ship had landed

And life has already started writing its own history.

2.47am, 6th of May