Now, Britannia High is on the list of tv show I have to download. Hm.. it’s a musical - people said that it is a rip-off of HSM, but I don’t care. Some songs are good. The plot is okay, the dance move is kinda cheesy. I wasn’t entertained much by the second episode. But the third episode was very good.

I show it to Zeah last nite.

I love this particular song - Proud, sung by that kid to his father who was a businessman and didn’t allow his kid to do performing arts in Britannia High.

Zeah said, ‘then, his father watches the performance and changes his mind?’

‘No, he didn’t’.

Anyway….

Zeah, five six seven eight…

Yeay, the movie had finally arrived in cinema. And perhaps we are luckier in UK because we managed to watch it among the first in the world (excluding the red carpet premiere, I’m just ordinary person, remember). Even US start airing it on 24th.

So how was it? When Zeah asked Yusran over for the movie, I prefer for him not to go coz I know he’s not musical type of person. So basically, the movie is bad for people who are not into musical stuff. If you think that Sound of Music is already over the top, so don’t watch this HSM 3, it is totally not worth your time.

But if you can get along with musical stuff, this movie is good. Coreography wise is nice. Although I kinda hate of too much singing on the stage. But still, I hate too much singing on the golf course like they did in the second movie because I keep thinking that it looks like Teletubbies. But overall, this movie is worth a wait and quite a blast.

I had fun with most of the songs, the storylines, the jokes and whatever awaiting in the future.

Nice. Now I’m gonna put the soundtrack as the list for my study songs:)

is there such word?
Not sure.
Im on the bus now and suddenly feel like blogging.

Dont you just love the concept of - human is not perfect. Im not talking about doing good and bad deeds at the same time.

Like me who can be cool about lending my stuff but so ill temper when someone disturb me eating while watching tv on laptop.

Like my friend who is so friendly that everyone always like him, but scary when he is moody.

Or my other friend who is so damn strict with her time and work stuff that she warns others for not doing it right but is actually soft inside and fragile.

Or my other friend who appears to be boring as he doesnt speak or jokes much but he is kind of person who would never hurt his future wife by cheating or flirting around.

Or my friend who appears to be so perfect in front of everyone but is struggling with lot of self conflict.

Dont you just like the concept of imperfection?

Oh, nak sampai dah rumah.

I’ve just feeling tired today. Probably because I had to go to Sunderland Hospital for my dental appointment. Gonna have my wisdom tooth removed in 8-11 weeks. It had gone bad - perhaps infected from the bad tooth close to it before, or probably because the way it came out.

Anyway, Sunderland from Durham is nearly one hour by bus. Coming back and forth, and meeting my supervisor at 3, not having lunch - I was so damn exhausted. Thanks God that Mom cooked my favourite spicy prawn - that recovered me while watching Friends on TV.

Last nite mom and dad were giggling about our experience in Amsterdam. Before departing, Andros asked me to tell him if I’ve ever gonna cross by a place call Red Light District. It’s a place where the prostitutes are finding their customer. But in a lil bit different way - they are all stay in behind the mirror advertising themselves. Well, that is what I heard.
Of course that is the place I don’t want to bring my parents to. It is just doesn’t fit - that’s pretty obvious, I should say.

So, when Kak Nur told me that she’s planning to go there when we arrive, that is the moment I asked them to just walk first and leave me and my parents behind. Ah yeah, that’s why the whole drama in the previous post happened (Andros, if you are reading this, I tell you about it later eh). But still it is for two different reasons - first, I don’t want the rest of the group to feel obliged to walk slowly just because my parents had to; second, coz they want to go to red-light so..

But the irony is, I got lost and while the rest of the group head to the flee market, I ended up bringing my parents to the red light district where lot of sex shops lie over there- selling dvd and things I don’t wanna tell in my blog. Hey, I thought when you say it is place for prostitution, it is supposed to be dark and kinda evilish look. It is actually by the canal and quite nice place to take a walk. I didn’t realize it is the red-light district up until I see there are 5 women in their bikinis behind the mirror of a shop.

I hissed to my mom, ‘mak, tu pelacur tu’ (mom, they are the prostitutes), and mom is surely surprised. That is totally not my proudest moment as a son - bringing my parents to see that. Haha. I thought it is kinda funny in a way.

I didn’t talk to my dad about it along the road but surely mom and dad talked about it. They are both

laughing about it - as those prostitutes are actually are not that pretty, some are fat and pretty much not arousing (whoa, that’s a cruel way of telling, but ..)

I told Mahadi, ‘hey, I thought they are supposed to be pretty (and hot). The prostitutes’

Mahadi said, ‘No they are not’.

Ah, so much for my imagination.

[Pix: This is actually in the red light district. See.. kinda pretty innit. That’s why I dun know that it is ‘the place’]

Last time Kak Nur keep asking me to try to sing ‘What About Now’ after she saw Daughtry’s video clip in Idol Gives Back episode on American Idol.

I told her, ‘no one done any of guitar version on Youtube so I don’t have the backing track’.

But I just found Guitartutee on Youtube doing the instrumental one. So here it goes:-

So I was feeling hungry. My dinner was at 7 something and now it is 12.16 am. I was hungry. Usually this time around in Penang, I’ll be visiting Subaidah or Khalil. Having some nasik lemak Subaidah or anythin in Khalil. Perhaps not much anymore if I’m in Malaysia, thinking that the price maybe over the top right now, but anyway, you got my point.

So it’s time for supper. People keep saying that I’m lucky. Coz I don’t have fat so it seems like I can eat as much as I can. However, some fat can keep me warm, but since I don’t have it, I was freezing myself a lil bit once I arrive in Bristol the other day. Abg Tra said that ‘it was not that bad’, but I didn’t think the same. Not saying that Abg Tra is fat. He lose his weight compare when he was in Malaysia. Perhaps it is not about fatty kind of thing at all. I was in Dundee, Mahadi was feeling fine about the weather, wearing just one layer of shirt, but I was the one feeling chilly. Wassup with my fellow friends? They kinda adapt to the weather easily, I suppose. And they know how to cook better than I do. Urgh..

Anyway, all of those paragraphs above were just a prologue. Here’s the story:-

I felt hungry and I went to the kitchen. But at 12 something in the morning, guess who I see cooking happily? My floormates - Linda and Memen, two chinese girl from China are cooking. I asked, ‘is it just two of you or other Chinese also cook this late at night?’

‘Yeah, I guess other Chinese also do it,’

‘So, it is safe to say that Asian just love to eat late at night eh?’ I said, thinking that my Pakistanis and Indians friends back in Brunel also having a late dinner. Coz it is so not British. When I was living with my English housemates back in London, they slept at 10 or 11, just about the time I’m having my fried chicken and chips. See how does it works?

Some people asked me, you ever think of marrying an English? Those are ‘for fun’ question, they don’t really mean it much. But next time I should answer, ‘it’s gonna be a troublesome coz as her bed time is my dinner time’. Suddenly an obscene question came out in my mind. Damn.

Dah lama takde Soundtrack of The Day:-

So, soundtrack of the day Toy-Box - Best Friend. Lagu lama. Tengok video klip dia kat Youtube, teringat lak kat Baling, rumah mak mentua kak aku, sebab dulu diorang duk pasang VCD lagu nih waktu aku kat sana

Kinda sleepy, so just a simple wish to my friends before going to sleep -

• to the girl who’s fighting to spread her wing (read:fly), go on and do it. You got nothing to lose. Really. You’ll be rewarded for your effort, InsyaAllah. And if you feel like being a lady and feeling to cry (eu), you know where to find me. Er… but I prefer you not be a lady.. so penat!
• to the girl who’s also want to spread her wing, be calm and have more patience. Same here, you got nothing to lose. So don’t lose your motivation and spirit.
• to the guy who wants to remain flying around the same place, you know what to do. You already did it well, I am totally not in the right place to give you advice. Damn!
• to the guy who also wants to remain flying around the same place (apsal ada unsur-unsur pengulangan nih?), you also know what to do. Do it now!
• to the girl who recently subscribe to my blog, I wish you get better. Hope God helps you through your hard time. Always pray for your good health.
• to the guy who is so wasted lately. Get your grip. Don’t lose it all. You don’t want to lose it all.

As the mysteries is what make this post beautiful, don’t ask me who’s that girl or who’s that guy. Okay la, I tell you one so that you feel okay. The last one is me, the rest is my friend:)

I hate my recent posts (from this week). It is bland. It doesn’t have the edge. I usually enjoy reading back my post. I keep laughing at some of my own jokes in my writings. I know it is probably overrated but hey, I do mean that writing is for self satisfaction, so as long as I’m happy doing it, I should just go on and keeping it up.

But I guess I had become a writer of my own style. I love to write and the idea will flows like a fountain when I’m angry, depressed and sort of that. I guess I know why I didn’t have my edge last week. It was because I kept to much thing to myself. From the real purpose of going to London (not gonna talk about it still, damn I’m feeling a bad vibe while typing that I don’t wanna talk about it. Okay Amri, perhaps some other time I write about it?) to my worries towards my mom’s health.

Last week was too much to absorb and not being able to let it out was sickening. I was healthy and doing fine, I didn’t lie about it when Kak Nur and Andros asked, but my unconscious mind doesn’t agree. The inner emotion is leaving me with some impact that I do not realize about. As the result, I feel less energetic to write and all of those blogs were being forced, just for the sake of portraying that I’m doing fine.

I know that deep within my heart, I am worrying badly about my mom.

I just called house and my sister answered the phone.

‘How is she?’ I asked.

‘She’s getting better. She can do some house chores today’, as comparing to yesterday, my mom had some dizziness and was hardly get up

[Pause: family on the phone]

[After one hour and 10 minutes talking through internet]

Talks do make me feel better. I could be sure how healthy my mom is just by listening to her voice. It is not my skill (of learning the truth by speeches), it is just what I’m used to. It’s family, isn’t it.

And judging from my mom’s voice, I know that she is better than yesterday. And I’m glad about it.

I told Kak Khalidah, I can’t share this kind of things - about my mom’s health - with the world (aka my blog). I wasn’t capable of doing it. But this time, I just feel like writing it for the sake of myself and everyone. All of the sugarcoated experience in London was a real fun, which I enjoyed it although some psycho kids threw egg on me. Everything is great but deep within my heart, I am just as vulnerable as every single one of you, who is flawed by emotion and disturbed by problems. As I can only smile whenever I snap my picture but as a picture worths a thousand words, my picture worths a thousand emotion - happy, sad, disappointed,  angry or excited - visible or not:)

Damn, I did write it well this time when I let it out, didn’t I? Haha.

Nuar asked me in our chat session, ‘Missing anyone?’

I answered, ‘no one’.

I take it back. At this moment I’m missing my mom a lot. She isn’t feeling well, but she’s getting better. I pray for her health, and hopefully for everyone reading this, it’s gonna be one more prayer for her.

I guess I’m settling down well here. So, let’s reminisce some memories coz it’s kinda good to miss other people. Kinda put a warmth in my heart in the coldness of ….. err… spring? (Spring isn’t suppose to be this cold)

[Pix of mom and wa(mom’s sister), on the way to say goodbye in Penang Airport]

Specially for kak and Kak Dijah, this song is dedicated to you, as you guys are big fan of him:-

[Soundtrack hari ini: Faizal Tahir (a.k.a budak yang tanggal baju tuh,so said Mahadi) - Mungkin Ku Tak Bisa

Picture of coming back from Debat Perpaduan in Universiti Malaysia Pahang. I love this picture. And I kinda miss the experience.

Around this moment, USM debater should be going to Universiti Utara Malaysia for another Debat Perpaduan. Hopefully USM will win this time:)

Picture of Dzul, Ali and myself. We were in Alor Setar at that time. Pidin and Fariz was in the front seat.

Dzul, Ali and Fariz was my friends who I knew in Kolej Matrikulasi Pulau Pinang.

I guess that a reminder of how great life was back in matrics is making me smiling at the moment.

Matrix:- where life wasn’t that ‘complicated’. Although I can’t follow ‘wherever you go’, but I just love ‘everything’ around me. Where we were ‘all rise’ and ‘in the end’ we all scattered ‘a thousand miles’ apart but we still fond of each other ‘whenever wherever’

[Song title by Avril Lavigne, The Calling, Michelle Branch, Blue, Linkin Park, Vanessa Carlton and Shakira - the soundtracks of matriks]

Ah yes, I miss my nephews and niece. All of them except the youngest one is in this picture.

It’s kinda not interesting to return later and find out that they already all grow up.

Darn, when I will get one of my own? LOL

Uh, I wanna keep writing and putting pictures but I guess it’s already 3 am. I wanna get to sleep soon. I could be missing everyone all night long. But here should be enough for tonight. Haha

So I create a new category, My Philosophy a.k.a time for me to mumbling all around. Naah, you don’t have to read this post. Just skip it and watch the video log I post couple of hours ago

Just yesterday I told a friend that I’m fine.
Just this evening that everything is alright.
But I guess that brain and heart goes its own way. It is weird that the fact that I am fine or not is determined by heart and not my brain.

And the things that heart feels is not something static. Happy, sad, worried and angry. Those are the things that keep interchanging that redefined the state of mind. I could be fine in this moment but not fine in the next couple of minutes.

It is tragic that brain can’t go over what heart feels most of the time. At least in my case, perhaps you are stronger than I am. Not feeling inferior, just being sarcastic.

[Break]

There come time in life where we face a downturn or roadblock. It is taking a lot of effort to pass it over or turn the other way around. It is not in our hand. That is a fact. Maths can create a set of probability prediction and regardless of how small the possibility is, we never know that probably the small tiny possibility is the one that belong to us. And to have a degree of confident regardless of how big it is, we still have to admit that it is not in our hand.

So it is simple. Perhaps easier to say that doing it.

Whenever heart feel the dampness of the world, just feel it and be alive. Fighting it might make it all wet. I wanna draw a boundary and put a gate around it. Let me be in this hole and allow only who I trust to enter and try to make it dry. And if there’s no one that I can let entering this circle, I should always know, He will always be there for me, answering my prayer.