[This entry might contains a bit of vendetta, which the second definition in Free Merriam Webster dictionary define it as ‘an often prolonged series of retaliatory, vengeful, or hostile acts or exchange of such acts’]
Sometimes I find it’s rather good to be silent than pouring my heart out to strangers. Perspective has to be taken into consideration when one issue is raised.
Well, it is like reading book (which I rarely do), or let’s just say an easier example like watching CSI. I mean, in each episode, someone died. From murder usually. And in the beginning, we are in total hatred of the murderer. Of how someone could actually do such a heinous thing. But later, as discovered from storyline and a bit of character development, we started to see why one can make such a bad choice in his or her life. We still hate the person for committing the crime, but at least we feel slightly sorry for them?
So how that relate to my own life? Nope, I didn’t kill anyone. And in fact, I am possibly on the other opposite side of that world. But truth and matter is, you can be sad regardless of which end you are at. And in my end,I will seems like a total spoiled t**t for screaming about my life when I am actually living a rather nice life.
Ah well, I need to give you an example. And I pick this one with a statement saying that I am not complaining about this matter. The fact is, since October last year, I have been using my own saving to live here. It is my bad for extending my studies hence in my term of sponsorship, I won’t be getting allowance for this period. So, yeah, it had been 5 months, and I think I’m just lucky for able to save that much of money albeit going home for couple of time during my studies. I’m about to borrow some money from family members. And it’s a debt rather than giveaway because my family are normal one. They don’t earn that crazy much so I can’t be putting my own fault of not finishing it earlier on their shoulder.
To say that, I don’t make all of this as an issue though. One thing that I should not and could not be complaining about my entire life is God always gives me an easy life when it comes to money. Sometimes it is like in this situation where I don’t have much but it’s been 5 months and I had actually living a very comfortable life. Enough food and enough money to pay the bills.
I do sometimes retaliate though. You may noticed when I complaint about people asking me for souvenir. Now you know what’s going on, you probably could relate to why I am being such a d***head when it come to such matter. As simple as thinking I could use that 5 or 10 pounds to pay my bill or occasional partying here.
And it also one of the reason why I simply scared off by compliments or appreciation towards my academics. For crying out loud (actually, not loudly), I am in my extension period already. I am not that brilliant as one may think, and that is what I said in my head.
BUT, all of that is not a bigger deal. And I do not feel the necessity of telling people the details of why I am reacting in such.
“Can you buy me a souvenir” shouldn’t be replied with a lengthy non-award worthy story about me living here using my own saving.
But still, what I’ve just written is a piece of life which I do not like to share. You, if you read this blog much, would know how I never write about such matter before. And here is for an example, coz I’ve gotta give something to make people realize of what I meant when I discuss you that CSI murder case. Which means that I’ve also got my own baggage despite a portrayal on my blog or my video of how amazing my life seems like.
Hence, going to a much vital point of this post; if you find me getting all drama when some people are being nosy about my personal life, you gotta think deeper. Money stuff above is an easier story which I could simply tell. But personal life is not.
“When are you gonna get married” is a question which can be answered with an award worthy story but unfortunately it’s not worth your time… or actually it’s not worth my time. So as simple as this. If you start making some fake realisation of how I could or should be at the point of my life to settle down, just simply remind yourself that you don’t know me well enough. Especially if that allowance story above hasn’t even come to your knowledge, how could you simply decide that it is my time now. And shame on you for overestimating me on that matter.
So shut up. I do not complaint about my love life publicly for you to bother of the outcomes.
Anyway, this post is dedicated and a shout out to people who will be asking me those mundane question once I’m back home next month.