I hate my recent posts (from this week). It is bland. It doesn’t have the edge. I usually enjoy reading back my post. I keep laughing at some of my own jokes in my writings. I know it is probably overrated but hey, I do mean that writing is for self satisfaction, so as long as I’m happy doing it, I should just go on and keeping it up.

But I guess I had become a writer of my own style. I love to write and the idea will flows like a fountain when I’m angry, depressed and sort of that. I guess I know why I didn’t have my edge last week. It was because I kept to much thing to myself. From the real purpose of going to London (not gonna talk about it still, damn I’m feeling a bad vibe while typing that I don’t wanna talk about it. Okay Amri, perhaps some other time I write about it?) to my worries towards my mom’s health.

Last week was too much to absorb and not being able to let it out was sickening. I was healthy and doing fine, I didn’t lie about it when Kak Nur and Andros asked, but my unconscious mind doesn’t agree. The inner emotion is leaving me with some impact that I do not realize about. As the result, I feel less energetic to write and all of those blogs were being forced, just for the sake of portraying that I’m doing fine.

I know that deep within my heart, I am worrying badly about my mom.

I just called house and my sister answered the phone.

‘How is she?’ I asked.

‘She’s getting better. She can do some house chores today’, as comparing to yesterday, my mom had some dizziness and was hardly get up

[Pause: family on the phone]

[After one hour and 10 minutes talking through internet]

Talks do make me feel better. I could be sure how healthy my mom is just by listening to her voice. It is not my skill (of learning the truth by speeches), it is just what I’m used to. It’s family, isn’t it.

And judging from my mom’s voice, I know that she is better than yesterday. And I’m glad about it.

I told Kak Khalidah, I can’t share this kind of things - about my mom’s health - with the world (aka my blog). I wasn’t capable of doing it. But this time, I just feel like writing it for the sake of myself and everyone. All of the sugarcoated experience in London was a real fun, which I enjoyed it although some psycho kids threw egg on me. Everything is great but deep within my heart, I am just as vulnerable as every single one of you, who is flawed by emotion and disturbed by problems. As I can only smile whenever I snap my picture but as a picture worths a thousand words, my picture worths a thousand emotion - happy, sad, disappointed,  angry or excited - visible or not:)

Damn, I did write it well this time when I let it out, didn’t I? Haha.

This post is dedicated to Muzaini who said that he’s a big fan of country music, aren’t ya?

[Soundtrack of the day: Billy Gilman - Oklahoma. Billy Gilman nih 4 tahun lebih muda daripada aku, country singer kat US]

I just crossed over a very damn nice music clip. Watch this kid sing the song, and in this videoclip, it does leave more impact.

Asal hujan jer, lagu Umbrella. Tak best tak best. So;

[Soundtrack hari ini: Daughtry - What About Now. Listen to the the mood of this song - kinda melancholic]

Hujan renyai-renyai turun sekejap membasah bumi Durham selepas aku balik dari Tesco. Takdelah plan awal pun nak pergi Tesco. Waktu Andros tengah menjamah dinner dia dalam pukul 6 petang, aku tanya la sama ada dia nak pergi Tesco atau tidak. Semalam hari Khamis. Bas ke Tesco ader setiap Selasa dan Khamis.

Andros macam tak kisah. Aku pun macam tak kisah jugak. Last-last kitorang bercadang nak pergi (macam mana tuh?). Aku bagitau Andros, ‘I don’t mind going to Tesco. It is my happy place’.

Kak Nur pesan ikan haddock. Aku pulak cadangnya nak beli periuk dan oven tray jer, alih-alih makanan-makanan tidak berkhasiat seperti dorritos 18p pun aku capai (Ya Abg Tra, saya amik sebab murah, tapi pisang masih amik yang 1 pound 6 biji, sebab nak bagi tahan lama).

Hari ini aku dah recover mood dan energy. Agak kepenatan dari balik dari London itu hari. So what’s next? Melepak kat bilik dan hanya ke school sehingga 6hb untuk simpan duit. Pastu 6hb nak gi Bristol lak (lawat Abg Tra). Jalan lagi..

Aku dah dibekalkan dengan komputer kat meja aku di office. Sampai semalam, tapi aku baru check tengah hari tadi lepas jumpa supervisor aku. Supervisor aku cakap dalam email, ‘It is not the newest model, but for the moment it should be OK’. Sebenarnya memang okey. Dual core, tak ingat berapa Ghz tapi RAM 2 gig. Kira okey sangat la kan. Kalo dibandingkan dengan laptop aku yang tak dual core nih, kira dah cukup laju la untuk guna pc tu untuk buat editing movie, oops, untuk study..

[Soundtrack hari ini: Chris Brown - With you, dah dengar selalu dah dulu waktu kat Malaysia, tapi sejak David Archuleta nyanyi dalam Final 3 American Idol itu hari, terberkenan lagi pulak]

Kat Kensington Park. Melepak-lepak (sekadar berposing sebenarnya) kat kerusi malas dengan Kak Nur.

House of Parliament, dah lewat dah. Tu yang gelap tuh

Aku masih di London. Mungkin berjaga terus sampai kul 7. Aku punya train bertolak kul 7 ke Durham. Dalam kul 5.45 pagi dah kena keluar dari rumah Fayaz sebab nak kena naik bas dan tube.

Anyway, semalam jalan-jalan di London lagi. Pastu gi dinner kat rumah Kak Sharidah. Nanti aku akan upload sikit gambar dan edit video kat London. Actually everything was fine up until I was on the way back to Fayaz’s house.

Matahari dan terbenam. Dalam kul 9 lebih dah waktu tu. Stesen tube yang terakhir ialah Stratford (Zone 3, Timur London). Nak gi rumah Fayaz kena naik satu bas. Lepas tunggu dalam 15 minit, aku pun naik bas.

Nak dijadikan cerita, aku tak cam kawasan mana nak stop, jadi aku pun turun lepas aku rasa yang aku dah sampai kawasan yang sepatutnya. Tapi lepas turun, aku sedar yang aku salah.

‘Oh, aku turun awal la nih’, fikir aku. Aku terus jalan ke depan sambil tetiba dapat panggilan dari Fayaz. Dia kata aku stop agak jauh. Aku bagitau dia, ‘takpe, aku okey’. Aku pun jalan jer la. Sebenarnya bukanlah aku tak biasa sangat dengan kesunyian kat pinggir London nih, tapi hati aku dah mula rasa tak sedap. Ada aura negatif sedikit kat sekeliling.

Dulu kat Uxbridge (Zone 6, Barat London), walaupun aku balik dalam kul 11 kadang-kadang dari rumah Tahir, tapi aku taklah terasa macam tadi. Tadi pun dalam kul 11 gak. Dah jalan dalam 5 minit, aku tersampai kat satu tempat nama Leytonstone. Aku tahu yang aku dah sesat teruk sebab Leytonstone tuh bukannya berada di antara rumah Fayaz dan Stratford. Aku confuse sekejap.

Aku call Fayaz dan dia bagitau yang aku terlajak. Terlajak? Aku ingat aku stop awal. So aku bergerak ke arah bertentangan la nih? Aaah.

Aku patah balik. Lintas jalan ke sebelah sana kalau-kalau boleh naik bas bernombor sama ke arah bertentangan.

Keadaan sekeliling tidaklah sunyi sepi. Ada kedai yang masih buka walaupun pukul 11. Timur London memang macam tu. Otak aku agak negatif sedikit sebab cerita fasal salah seorang pelakon Harry Potter yang ditikam mati kat London masih terngiang-ngiang kat kepala. Berita top dalam surat khabar kat London. Aku terus berjalan. Kawasan sekeliling berlampu tapi masih agak gelap. Tak banyak orang kat jalan. Dah lewat kan.

Aku melintasi Balai Bomba Leytonstone. Tiba-tiba, ‘pooop’, ada benda jatuh atas belakang aku. Kena bawah sikit dari tengkuk. Aku terkejut. Aku menjerit sedikit, dan berlari cepat dari tempat tu. Aku tengok belakang, tapi takde apa. Aku terus lari sampai aku rasa aku dah jauh sedikit.

Aku pegang belakang, agak melekit. Aku cium, takde bau apa. Err… buah kot. Tapi cam tak logik la pulak, mana ada buah kat pokok-pokok macam kat pinggir jalan London nih.

Pastu, ada bas sampai dan aku terus naik. Sekejap jer lepas tuh, aku sampai balik ke kawasan rumah Fayaz. Selamat sampai. Masuk rumah. Rasa lega sangat.

Aku tanya Fayaz, ‘Is there anything at my back?’.

‘No man… [pause seketika] ah, there’s an egg’. Aku baru tahu. Aku tanggalkan coat aku dan baru tahu yang ada telur dengan kulit yang melekat kat bahagian hood. Ni ader la kerja orang-orang mencampak ni. Maybe dari atas bangunan sebab takde pun orang kat belakang.

I dunno, but this practical joke is kinda scary. Whether it came from a kid or a hater, it made me feel a lil bit insecure. Aaah…. [sigh], harap-harap tak jadi lagi la..

[Untuk berita fasal pelakon Harry Porter tuh, rujuk sini)

 

[Soundtrack hari ini: Blue - Girl I’ll Never Understand from the very first album All Rise. No particular reason for putting this song, just suddenly remember this song. Oh yeah, creative person will speculate that it had to do with some girls, but … well, just let them being creative there]

Ah ya, I’m in London currently. Bercuti. Perlu ke bercuti? Sorta

Esok gi jalan-jalan lagi dengan Kak Nur, lusa balik semula ke Durham. Not much to note. Kinda tired, but just wanna let people know where I am currently.

Kamera rosak, so takleh nak boh gambar…

Nanti ah aku transfer dari kamera Kak Nur

[Soundtrack hari ini yang biasanya tak masuk genre - Woh Lamhe Kya Mujhe Pyar Hain sehingga Mahadi pasti berkata, ‘Uuuh…’ dengan nada keji.]

So this song came with a story.

First, aku ada problem tido. Guling-guling 1 jam lebih, baru bleh masuk tido. Kalo tak otak macam bergerak jer. Ari tu lagi teruk, mimpi pertama - aku figure out fasal homework aku dalam mimpi. Penatnya sebab dalam mimpi pun kena fikir gak. Mimpi kedua, kelmarin, dalam mimpi aku, aku takleh tido dan cuba untuk tido. Tuh dalam mimpi tuh. Penatnya sebab sindrom takleh tido berlaku di luar dan di dalam mimpi.
Second, Tahir sampai semalam dengan 2 orang kawan dia dalam pukul 3 pagi lebih dah. Sampai lewat sebab tayar pancit kat tengah jalan (area-area York, dalam 60batu dari sini).

Pagi tadi, sebelum diorang menyambung perjalanan ke Dundee, diorang sempat la lepak minum-minum tea kat kitchen aku. Salah sorang kawan Tahir goes like this. ‘You know this song? It is from Malaysia’.

Dia pun humming kat aku. Aku dengar, rasanya macam zapin jer. Dia dengar lagu zapin ke?

Pastu waktu Tahir copy mp3 masuk mp3 player dia, dia tunjukkan aku lagu yang dia humming tu. ‘Ooh, kumpulan …. (saja dikosongkan, aku sebut nama kumpulan lain sebenarnya sebab aku tak kenal sangat), this is from Indonesia.’ Aku bagitau dia.

Pastu dia pun bukaklah cover version. Hindustan la kot. Okey gak ar.
Walau bagaimanapun, lagu ni bukanlah diterjemah. Nada jer yang diambil tapi lirik diolah semula. But I guess the lyrics is more artistic from the original one. Here goes the first few lines as translated by Tahir and friends:-

Why does this day I’ve been dreaming a lot
and not sleeping much
God must have a good intentions
My heart was like a beggar’s but now it’s like a prince
God must have a good intentions

Am I in love or is it dreams/(just a highness)?
…. [and the song goes]

So, ‘why does this day I’ve been dreaming a lot, and not sleeping much??’, yeah that’s kind of my soundtrack of the day:)

Untuk orang-orang yang tak dapat figure out ini cover lagu apa, bleh la klik di sini.

Soundtrack hari ini: Rex Goudie (Canadian Idol Runner Up) - Run

Oh yah, I’m fine. Abg Tra asked me if there’s anything wrong as I didn’t update my blog for the past few days. Okay sebenarnya. Agak busy sikit dengan programming and stuff. Semalam, aku duk pulun lagi dengan programming dari kul 1pagi sampai kul 3 pagi sebab hari ni nak jumpa supervisor. Disebabkan perjumpaan mingguan, ader la sikit push untuk aku pulun supaya bleh tunjuk result yang okey kat supervisor aku.

Other than that, everything is fine actually. Jadual harian aku merangkumi study, makan sambil tengok Stargate SG-1, tengok American Idol Finale itu hari dan bersosial dengan Kak Nur dan Andros. Semalam kitorang bertiga gi berseronok-seronok di Tesco (as if Tesco is some theme park to use the word - berseronok-seronok, but well it does feel that way!).

That is all about it. Malam ni Tahir sampai dari London, sebab dia nak gi Scotland dengan kengkawan dia. Aku lak nak turun London dengan Kak Nur Ahad nih, lepak rumah Fayaz (kawan Tahir yang dah jadi kawan aku - alaa.. yang aritu aku jamming kul 3 pagi tu (Rujuk Apologize))

Aku akhiri post kali ini dengan citer fasal cekodok. Tadi baru jer duk bergaduh dengan Hairi dan Amirul fasal nih.

Amirul (bakal housemates) chat dengan aku ari tu. Dia bagitau yang Yusran(juga bakal housemate) masak cekodok, tapi dia kata dia tak makan, sebab dia suka makan cekodok dengan sambal.

Sambal? Are you kiddin me? That was my reaction. Kenapa makan cekodok dengan sambal? Amirul cakap, ‘apa salahnya cekodok dengan sambal?’

Aku cakap, ‘yang satu manis, yang satu pedas, mana masuk’.

Dia redefined, ‘weh, bukan cekodok pisang la, korang panggil jemput-jemput tu..’

‘Ooooh…’,aku baru faham. Walaupun sebenarnya family aku biasa panggil cok kodok (this is apply for Kedahan) instead of cekodok, dan cok masin instead of jemput-jemput.

Tapi lepas Jumaat tadi, Hairi(Malaysian Durham) tambah pulak cerita baru selepas dia dengar aku cerita fasal itu hari. Dia cakap, ‘tapi, orang Johor biasa jer makan cekodok pisang tu cicah kicap.’

‘Eu.. are you kidding me?’ <— ditujukan kepada orang-orang yang makan cekodok pisang cicah kicap.

Nuar asked me in our chat session, ‘Missing anyone?’

I answered, ‘no one’.

I take it back. At this moment I’m missing my mom a lot. She isn’t feeling well, but she’s getting better. I pray for her health, and hopefully for everyone reading this, it’s gonna be one more prayer for her.

I guess I’m settling down well here. So, let’s reminisce some memories coz it’s kinda good to miss other people. Kinda put a warmth in my heart in the coldness of ….. err… spring? (Spring isn’t suppose to be this cold)

[Pix of mom and wa(mom’s sister), on the way to say goodbye in Penang Airport]

Specially for kak and Kak Dijah, this song is dedicated to you, as you guys are big fan of him:-

[Soundtrack hari ini: Faizal Tahir (a.k.a budak yang tanggal baju tuh,so said Mahadi) - Mungkin Ku Tak Bisa

Picture of coming back from Debat Perpaduan in Universiti Malaysia Pahang. I love this picture. And I kinda miss the experience.

Around this moment, USM debater should be going to Universiti Utara Malaysia for another Debat Perpaduan. Hopefully USM will win this time:)

Picture of Dzul, Ali and myself. We were in Alor Setar at that time. Pidin and Fariz was in the front seat.

Dzul, Ali and Fariz was my friends who I knew in Kolej Matrikulasi Pulau Pinang.

I guess that a reminder of how great life was back in matrics is making me smiling at the moment.

Matrix:- where life wasn’t that ‘complicated’. Although I can’t follow ‘wherever you go’, but I just love ‘everything’ around me. Where we were ‘all rise’ and ‘in the end’ we all scattered ‘a thousand miles’ apart but we still fond of each other ‘whenever wherever’

[Song title by Avril Lavigne, The Calling, Michelle Branch, Blue, Linkin Park, Vanessa Carlton and Shakira - the soundtracks of matriks]

Ah yes, I miss my nephews and niece. All of them except the youngest one is in this picture.

It’s kinda not interesting to return later and find out that they already all grow up.

Darn, when I will get one of my own? LOL

Uh, I wanna keep writing and putting pictures but I guess it’s already 3 am. I wanna get to sleep soon. I could be missing everyone all night long. But here should be enough for tonight. Haha

My Pisang post was widely discussed. Although it turn from a post about banana, suddenly everything came in. We ended up talking, ‘we don’t even know those vege that Khalidah said’.

Enough about that.

Sekarang ni sejuk. Aku check dalam BBC weather, katanya 6 darjah celcius waktu malam.

Ader beberapa masalah sikit bila sejuk nih. Buka heater, okey. Tapi badan kemudiannya jadi kering. Buka tingkap sikit, sejuk satu tangan. Aku pun tak tahu nak buat apa. Tangan aku jenis berpeluh. Kata orang, sebab kadar metabolisma tinggi, jadi tangan mudah berpeluh. Tak tahu betul ke tak. Tapinya, bila berpeluh tangan mudah rasa sejuk. Sebab partikel-partikel air pada tangan membeku. So called membekulah.

Semalam Putri, Kak Nur dan Andros makan sekali. Aku masak kari daging. Ke Korma daging. Entah, tulis kat peket korma, tapi tak macam pun. Bolehlah. Rasanya tidaklah tak sedap. Jadi takler malu sangat menjamu Putri, Kak Nur dan Andros. Memen dan Linda (bebudak sebelah bilik dari China) pun aku bagi rasa sekali.

Putri cakap, ‘I don’t mind if it is cold as long as Sun comes out’. Speaking la kitorang sebab Andros ader sekali.

‘No no, for me, I don’t mind about sun. As long as it is not cold, that’s better’, aku berpendapat lain pulak.

Kengkadang, kesejukan nih agak melemahkan semangat. Bila tangan macam nak beku, mulalah rasa nak excuse. Nih, sambil menaip ni pun aku rasa sejuk satu tangan.

Aku teringat plak waktu kat USM dulu. Pernah aku jumpa En Nazru, dan dekan aku, aku salam tangan diorang. Diorang cakap, nih apsal tangan sejuk nih?

‘Entah, memang tangan saya macam ni..’, aku tersenyum. Takkanlah nak citer suma benda yang baru aku taip di atas, ye tak?